"Movement breaks down the barriers to emotional change" - Kylianne Farrell
In my early twenty's I decided that spending my days hiding out in my house, crying, not finding joy in the things I loved to do and feeling flat and low energy all the time was not going to be my normal. Little did I know what path to healing and transformation I was embarking on.
I took my self to a GP who was a registered psychiatrist, and was diagnosed with severe depression/anxiety - handed a prescription for anti-depressions, a referral to a counsellor for six free sessions and the advice to maybe implement some sort of exercise routine that allowed me to work up a sweat.
This was my introduction into exercise/movement outside of sports that i had grown up playing as a child.
I had NO idea what I was doing, but I hit the gym and just fumbled my way through.
This was the beginning of an eight year journey to recovery, to where I am today - an adventure that still continues.
In that eight years, I have done many self destructive things most a lot of people do not know about me, abusing prescription medication, jumping out of moving car (my lowest point), having suicidal thoughts and pushing those closest to me away. Being in this mode hurt a lot of people around me, but they are the ones who continue to stand by my side today - they believed in me before I believed in myself.
I wouldn't change my experience for the world - as without it, I would not be the woman, wife, sister, friend, mama and mentor that I am today.
I was asked the question today what influenced me to start a career in the fitness industry.
I wanted to deeply impact and help women heal, shift and transform emotionally and physically.
Before my time in the fitness industry I studied to be a counsellor, I thought that this was where I really wanted to be in order to help women continue to emotionally heal - in particular wanted to work with young women, those who had been in similar situations to me.
Turns out after being to a few counsellors myself, I still walked away feeling as though the barriers went up and I couldn't be totally honest - therefore never moved forward towards healing.
My true turning point was when I was training to complete the Kokoda trek with a friend of mine - the time that we spent in the gym together - I felt I was able to really let my guard down and open up.
While hiking the Kokoda trek, it was very apparent that the journey was a very spiritual, emotional and physical one. When hiking and my mind and body being seriously challenged, I had to go within and find a strength that I didn't think I had - I now call it my inner divine power. It also was a time for me to reflect without distractions, on what I truly wanted to do. On on of the hideously long days of hiking, I had the epiphany that I wanted to combine movement with counselling to really help people on their next adventure of life.
So once returning home I started my fitness qualification, while still completing my counselling study.
Once I finished my fitness qualifications, I doubted my ability to combine the two formally and just started movement coaching.
I disowned the part of me that was able to truly help people shift emotionally and spiritually using my counselling skills, because looking back the timing wasn't right - the truth is I needed that application and more experiences to really organically evolve my vision into what I do today.
By holding fast to my vision that has changed with me over time - I have come back to my original plan to combine movement and mentoring to help women shift, heal, transform and reclaim that inner divine power! I have had opportunities/messages that have guided me to where I am today, as while challenging my heart has always been open to receiving and evolving on some level.
I had the exact people gifted to me at the right times as the timing was right - to help me, I just had to not give into the resistance of not wanting to shift and wanting to move forward.
We do not heal, shift, heal or transform if we decide not to get uncomfortable. It is comfortable to some degree to remain the same, it safe because it is what we know.
We have everything within us to create change - if we are open to it.
So from my darkest times was born my soul purpose. I think it is vitally important to not discount our experiences they are all stepping stones to helping us realised why are here - who we are meant to serve and what we are meant to create and offer to those that need us.
While the journey has not been an easy one - I am grateful for my darkest times because they are what have allowed me to shine a light for those who are yet to see the path before them.
Remember as always you are NOT what happens to you. If you are struggling with depression/anxiety seek the help you need, do not take on that it defines you, because it doesn't.