Mummas you matter.
After hearing lots of stories and the comments of other people in response to a mum speaking of her experience or societies views on how we should handle them got me thinking. Stories of miscarriages, traumatic births, emergency c-sections, post birth surgeries, post birth dysfunctions, less than ideal pregnancies, post natal depression, anxiety the list goes on.
I cant help that feel the mum gets left behind a little, that there becomes a point that they feel shame to speak of their experiences, or are made to feel guilty. Whether that be by societies expectations of how a mother should be able to take it all in their stride, or social media images of new mums who just seem to be nailing it, expectations on yourself, or other people in your life making you feel this way.
Here are a couple of responses that I have heard people say, to a mum or a mum to be when they are sharing their experiences.
"At least I have a healthy baby" - Of course this is vitally important.
"These things happen" - Yes, maybe they do.
These comments shit me. To me they imply that we should just be happy and move on. I know because these are comments that were said to me when I was personally struggling and trying to open up to people.
Honey, life doesn't work this way. It also doesn't mean that an experience, feelings, trauma or grief simply go away. I'm pretty sure the mum understands that having a healthy baby is important and that in fact these things do happen. They do not need to be made to feel guilty, or ungrateful when they are trying to make sense of something or heal physically or emotionally.
I think there needs to be more of a focus post birth on the MUM as well as the baby.
Don't feel guilty for sharing your experience even if it does come across as negative because by you opening up that may help another mum on their journey, they may then have the courage to speak up about their own experience and even seek the help they need.
A well and healthy mother is the most important gift to any baby or child.