It took me two years post birth to heal physically and emotionally enough to consider falling pregnant again.
My biggest fear? Making my prolapses worse, and the unknown of what life would like for me after another pregnancy and birth, when I had worked so hard to get myself into a position where I was basically symptom free and it no longer ruled and dictated my life.
The core of my fear was that emotionally I would not cope if my prolapse was worsened. That I would feel fraudulent as a professional in my field and that I would not be able to live out my soul purpose as I have envisioned it. If I wasn't able to live in my mission, then that would impact my family, relationships with self and others, my ability to move, play and experience, my ability to generate an income and be able to invest in more learning, personal development and travel.
So how can you overcome the fear of falling pregnant again, when you are living with prolapse?
1. Understand what the fear really is at the core.
Once you can understand what the real fear is - work can be done on unlocking it.
For me I had to take back the control of the whirlwind of negative what if's, and realise that a soul purpose is a calling - if I chose to not rise up to it that would be MY choice, I would have let myself get in my own way. It would be a choice to hide myself in order to feel safe, it would be my choice to not seek the support that i needed in order to overcome it, it would be my choice to let a dysfunction rule and dictate my life, it would be my choice to feel as though I didn't deserve to be here. I had to reframe my thoughts to remember that life happens for us, not to us - I can not control everything.
So what is at the REAL core of your fear of making your prolapse worse - what do you perceive will happen if this was to occur? What can you do now to work on unlocking those limiting beliefs? What do you need to shift and heal before you birth your next baby?
2. Get informed - by the people who align with your values.
For many years I lived by the moto that if you prepare for the worst you are never disappointed. To me this is a way of thinking that my mind was and sometimes still is conditioned to, it is also a very damaging way to be. I learnt the hard way about the law of attraction. Instead I now try to see the opportunity in events that occur and the messages I am meant to receive.
My advice is not to read everything and anything, do not ask for opinions - this will become extremely overwhelming. Do your research find professionals who will help you see both sides, help you work through your fears, so you can make an informed choice about birth and what outcome you would like achieve - nothing is a given but you will feel safe, loved, valued and supported through whatever choice and outcome that occurs.
My support team throughout this pregnancy has been;
- Private obstetrician
- Womens Health Physiotherapist
- Business Coach/mentor
- Movement Coach
- Most recently - a sex therapist
- My mama tribe - friends, family, clients and colleagues
Who is your dream team of supporters?
3. Do what you need to in order to feel safe
The first pregnancy, birth and post natal journey will serve as a great teacher for you! What can you implement that will make you feel in control and safe?
Sure things don't always go to plan, things will happen differently to how we imagine them too, but doing some prep work now, will ensure that you are empowered to create change and be in control of your healing journey no matter how that looks.
For me I have implemented + will implement the below;
- REST! Take the expectation off myself to be a superwoman!
- Purge emotion - just feel your way through what is coming up for you and get support where you need it
- Be open with my husband without fear
- Not moving with expectation or ego
- Asking questions of professionals - not just accepting answers
- Seeking the right professionals for me
- Listening to what my body is trying to communicate with me
- Getting a plan of optimal healing post birth nutritionally
- Ensuring I have support when I need it - especially for post birth, helping with food, Myka ect.
- Having consistent care - the choice to go private
- Massages to help the healing process post birth
- Seek help if I am struggling emotionally - letting go of the expectation that I have to do it all alone
- Ensuring I am nutritionally supported as much as possible
- Consulting with a WHP who I feel safe with
- Trying to breastfeed straight after birth in order to foster connection
- Finding out the sex of the baby to create prior connection
- Being kind with myself not to jump back into things professionally if the timing is not right
What were your greatest teachers? Where can you feel more in control and safe?
4. Understanding that there is always a solution
I am a firm believer in there is always a solution, there are people out there who can help you. Just depends how willing you are to take that journey to find them. I personally am pretty relentless at ensuring that I am able to live life doing the things I love with the people I love and living out that soul purpose - so I have done a lot investigation to find great professionals, who can help emotionally, physically and spiritually.
5. Pregnancy is unpredictable - enjoy the ride + use the time to get empowered.
Yep pregnancy is a journey, things will be different to the first time, but hey your a mama - you know how to roll with the punches ;).
It will bring up lots of fears - best part is you can address them before the time comes to birth!
Remember an empowered mama is a force NOT to be reckoned with!
ALWAYS remember you HAVE prolapse you are NOT prolapse.
Whether your prolapse worsens or it doesn't you will get through and there are people around to love you and support you on the journey to healing and recovery.